Communication is an interesting thing. As you know I don't speak a lot of Spanish and here in Spain I am surrounded by Spaniards that don't speak very much (mostly none) English. Mostly this is great. It is part of the reason that we chose to live in the small town of Chucena. We didn't want to be surrounded by Spaniards that spoke English because if we did that I know that the children and I would use that as a crutch which would limit the amount of Spanish we would learn.
But. . . This constant inability to communicate with the people that I come in contact with can also be a great source of insecurity and at times frustration. I consider myself to be a very confident person. I know who I am (A Daughter of God) and I receive a lot of confidence in that pure knowledge. I don't give much thought to what other people think about me, I just don't let it bother me. But I also have hard days and rough moments like most of us so I thought I would share a few.
Everyone has seen, or had, one of those moments in a grocery store with a naughty child. I have had so many I should write a book. But, when you are in a different country with a different culture those moments feel very different to me lately. in the USA, Usually I make a funny comment to the people around me and we laugh it off together as a normal young child moment. I know that people in American understand and most of them are not judging me (and if they are who really cares). Here in Spain I have no idea what the people are thinking sometimes because I can't communicate with them and if I am having a bad day mentally it can cause my mind to think the worst.
The other day I went shopping with Kaden, around here it is weird to have kids at the store at all in the morning because they have free childcare from 4 months old and up (I get asked constantly why I don't have Kaden in it, but that is a post for another day) Anyway, when we were about ready to check out he picked up a bag a chips and walked right out the door, after walking away (stealing the chips) he set off down the street and walked for at least 30 yards, all the while turning around and laughing at me as I am calling him back (me trying my best not to get frustrated). When he got far enough to turn the corner so I could not see him anymore I had no choice but to chace. I left everything in the store and ran after him. Thankfully he stopped when he turned the corner but I was pretty embarrassed as I drug him back to the store and then paid for the bag of chips that my child just stole from the store.
Honestly, normally I would probably be able to laugh this kind of situation off but as I mentioned I was in an ornery place mentally that day already and all of the sudden I am feeling like everyone is looking at my like I am crazy or stupid. I can't really say anything to them to turn it into a joke all I could do was try and laugh it off and leave. It was a rough moment feeling dumb and embarrassed and caring what the people around me were thinking about me (sometimes I think I am representing every American person to the people here).
I came home and tried to brush it off. but then that same day another horrible situation came about and all the feeling came flying back.
So. . . After school Jacob went to go play at the local soccer field and 30 minutes later he came running back to the house saying that his friend, and our next door neighbor who is 13 "punched him in the face and beat him up" What!!!!!! Steven and I tried to calmly walk over to the field and see what actually happened. (I was fuming by the way and had to leave while Steven was talking because I was not holding my emotions together very well) Steven had a good conversation with the boys (surrounded by probably 20 other children) and found out that what really happened was a huge misunderstanding and miscommunication. Both boys got a little heated with the game, they each started speaking louder, and it was a he said he said from how it escalated from there. Steven handled it beautifully by the way and the boys are now great friend again.
The point being to all of this
first: It was a hard day of feeling crazy and lonely and frustrated about not really being able to communicate
second: Don't jump to thinking people are thinking bad about you.
Last but not least: It was one day and it has all gotten better from there. People really are mostly amazing and wonderful.
We still love it here even when we have days like this.
No comments:
Post a Comment